Sunday, February 14, 2016

“DON’T DATE SINGLE MOTHERS AND DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME WITH THEM” Part 1 Rebuttal

This article was posted in one of my groups in FB. Usually, I would read and just shake my head. However, I could not get past this one. Maybe because I think there is a huge difference between being a single mother and being a baby mama. Some don't see a difference. I do. This was the case way before I even became a single mother.

When I read the article, I immediately started writing a rebuttal in the comment section. However, I was breaking one of my FB rules, "No blogging in the comment section." So since I didn't want to break my rule. I made a simple comment, "I don't agree and I will blog about it."

1. Never Available. A single Mother’s schedule is never open. Single mothers are the kind of women to always cancel dates at the last minute. Something always gets in the way of a man spending time with her. It’s hard to have a relationship with her because she’s never there.

I wouldn't say "never available" but I would say she schedules her time, especially her free time, more than most. Her ability to be spontaneous is limited to honoring her schedule with the needs and wants of her children. If she has children who are active in extra curricular activities (practices, games, meets, meetings, etc) then that carves into her limited time. She has LIMITED availability not NO availability. That should not discredit her desire to spend time with you. It causes you all to be creative on when you can spend time together. You may have to meet while the children are at practice for a walk around the park or a cup of coffee at the nearby bookstore or coffee shop. She may only have about an hour to carve out during the week. Capitalize on her free every other weekend when the children are with their father. If something is wrong  (sick or some other major problem) with her children is the main reason she will cancel dates (not see you) at the last minute. If she is exhausted from her week, then she would suggest doing something at home versus going out to spend time with you.

2. YOU are NOT a priority. Usually in a relationship the man winds up DEAD LAST. Behind, her kids, her job, the car, the kitchen sink, the stopped up toilet. Even the dog gets more attention and affection than a man involved with a single mother. Any man who gets involved with a single mother winds up a fifth stringer in a relationship. And he rarely ever gets called up to play.

You are not the FIRST priority but you are a priority IF you are in a relationship. I think the author was exaggerating a bit with being a priority behind "the kitchen sink and the stopped up toilet"; however, if not, then a man can assist/help/fix that problem. Men love to solve problems. These are simple problems/priorities to fix to eliminate you feeling like you are not a priority. Here's an added benefit. She will feel like a priority TO you if you help her with her other priorities. Many women are interested in you will do what they can to be with you. However, they have to make sure their children are good. How would you feel if she is spending time with you and there are things she is neglecting to make her life and her children's life comfortable? If she becomes your wife, she will have this same logic or trait in your daily combined world.

3. Thinks the world revolves around HER and ONLY HER. A single mother is one of the biggest narcissists on the dating scene. She often thinks that a man has to drop everything in his life to be part of hers and her kids. They’re so selfish they don’t think a man has needs, wants or a life of his own. He’s just supposed to be there to give her everything she wants in life.

This is soooooooo far from the truth! She does not EXPECT you to drop EVERYTHING but she does expect you to understand her time is limited. Read #1. If you want more time, just understand it will include family time because she is a package deal. I know many women who do not bring random men around her children. So if you are not solidified as a couple, she will probably limit your time around her children anyway. Again, see #1. She will probably expect you to be more flexible with your time if you do not have physical custody or share physical custody of your children.

4. Emotionally Unavailable- Most Single mothers cannot form an intimate connection with a man because her feelings are invested in other people. Usually her primary focus is on her children.
In addition to dedicating herself to her children, most single mothers have given their hearts to someone else- their children’s father. And those feelings she still has for him will always prevent her from getting closer to you. There will always be some distance between a single mother and the new man in her life.
Ummm....yeah if she is holding a torch for her children's father, then yeah that's a problem. If the children are young, I would even say you need to make sure she is emotionally over him. This is true with any woman whether she has children or not. Heck, it's true for men as well. I think everyone should take a break before jumping into a new relationship. Everyone need time to purge the old love from his or her system. Take time to deal with the baggage that comes from a failed relationship or marriage. Don't think JUST time heals the pain. Time with dealing with the baggage makes a person ready to move one.

5. The ex/ Baby Daddy is ALWAYS THERE. A man just doesn’t deal with a single mother. He deals with her ex or her baby daddy as well. And this guy is always hovering around like a helicopter looking to c*ckblock you. Some of these guys still think they have a shot at getting back with her. Others just don’t want to see her happy. A lot of these dudes want to f!ght over her.
Seriously, it’s a game they’re playing with each other. And they’ll be playing that game with each other until their children turn 18 or 21. Head for the exit. It’s just not worth dealing with this fool and his insecure bullshyt.
For some that is the case, especially if they have not dealt with their baggage. However, I have noticed this is not the case when both parties have truly moved on. Normally, when the woman without any shadow of a doubt is done with her child(ren)'s father(s), then this is not a situation that is not easily handled. For the child sake, I would hope the dad is around to co-parent their child but that should be the extent of their relationship. Is that a reality? Absolutely! I have lived it and watched others do it as well.

There were 15 things on the list. I will continue the other 10 in future posts. I didn't want to make this post extremely long. The original article was long by itself. 

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

10 Tuesday Thoughts

1. I really need to blog more. I have ideas but either I don't have the time or think I can't expand on it long enough for a decent blog.

2. I am loving my Grateful366 campaign. I have several friends who have taken the challenge of posting a gratitude dedicated to someone for the entire year.

3. My new gig is INTERESTING. There is a lot of adjustment on my part and theirs. I literally have a 3 page to-do list from the state liaison to get us where we need to be. I keep saying "baby steps, baby steps" and "As long as there is some progress, then its progress."

4. My chants from #3 did not work for me yesterday. Today WILL be a better day.

5. Since my day was not pleasant yesterday, I took my happiness into my own hands and started creating and gathering pictures and quotes for my 2 newest vision boards.

6. Speaking of vision boards, I created a new on Sunday. Southern Belle invited me to the country to work on them with some of her family and friends. We had a great time!




 7. My shirt got a lot of love! Hopefully, my friends will support Gimme a Bling and purchase this one or others. She does quality work and none of her shirts have messy or negative sayings.

8. The month of January went by pretty fast. I don't know if that means I am getting old or I am enjoying my days. I am going to go with option 2. 

9. This year's theme at church is "Dream Again". As confirmation, several of my friends have reignited our group to push some of our dreams. I will help a friend with his dream/goal of writing a book. I am hashing out the plans for an adventure as well. (Vision boards are in progress for each)

10. I think the "10 Thoughts Posts" are becoming a routine around these parts. They are quick to do. 

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